I won't lie. As of late, I've been daydreaming a lot more about a significant person in my life. I'm lonely, yes, but at times, It feels like it's beyond a loneliness, and more of a... longing. I've had this feeling before, back in high school. Like a fool, I drooled over the captain of the football team. For one, because he was nice to me and we were friends and two, well, I thought he was extremely handsome. The problem was though, those feelings weren't reciprocated. We've all had those moments of unrequited love, though, right? I was over it in a few weeks and worked my ass off to get out of that high school as soon as I could. I learned my lesson, kind of.
It's been quite the roller coaster ride since then, but right at this moment... I've felt this feeling before. And I've pushed it aside before, but the worst thing is that I've fed it before too. I've fallen into the trap of thinking someone felt more for me than they actually did. That I allowed myself to be vulnerable and opened myself up to getting hurt. I created feelings that weren't felt on the other side, and in the end, they let me down. So no more searching for the love that I think I want. No more envisioning possible relationship status changes. I can't take that chance.
So I push this feeling aside. I'll wait it out, just like a hurricane; perhaps I'll go into hiding, or maybe find another secluded place to hide. All I know, is that if I don't push it aside... it means disaster.